Remember that song that used to play on the radio all the time? The one that goes something like, “I’ll never get over you getting over me…” or something. I don’t know who sung it or what the rest of the song is about, but it’s been playing in my head all day.
The occasion? I found out my ex is seeing someone.
This shouldn’t bother me. I know we are not meant to be. We grew into very different people and I want the best for her and I want the best for me – even if it isn’t each other. Still, this bothers me.
All day today I’ve been trying to figure out why exactly this would bother me so much. I don’t think my reaction is uncommon either. Ah, love and dating is so complicated.
At first I thought it might bother me because deep down, I want her back. But when I reflected on this, it just didn’t sit right. I know I don’t want her back. I don’t want to date her anymore. Then again I thought maybe it’s bothering me because she might move on…okay, getting warmer…and then it finally hit me that it was bothering me because she had pretty much moved on (i.e. found someone else to play with) and me…well, I’m all alone.
Yea, I know that sounds pretty childish but if I can’t vent my feelings on my own blog, then where else can I go? I can’t afford a shrink right now.
When did love become such a competitive affair? I guess this is what happens in a lot of relationships. You end up staying together – not because you necessarily want to be with the other person – but just ’cause you can’t stand the thought of them living their own life without you. It feels like you’re being made to miss out on something, you know?
It’s a strange thing – I wonder how many couples end up staying together precisely for this reason. It’s like enshackling myself to another just so they can stay enshackled to me.
It’s a mutual bondage, one that exists to block out the horrifying aspect of each person “going their own path.” Anyway, this is a lot of rambling, but it’s what happened to be going through my mind today.