I was perusing online and came across this recent article from the New Yorker. It caught my eye since online dating is sort of my thing these days and yea, it’s pretty tough for a guy.
I know you women probably receive tons of messages per day (most of them are probably unwanted thou – irony, huh?) but as a guy, it’s your lucky day if you happen to receive just one that’s not spam.
The article starts out pretty unappealing…a female online dater cherry picking through all the poor dudes who just want to reach out to her…
The eligible men are laid out like items on a menu that I can scroll through by flicking my thumb. I haven’t even tapped on a single photo yet when—brrring—a new message appears: “Wassup?” I ignore it and return my attention to the sea of forty-five-year-old men with usernames like “Drunky.” Anyone worth messaging in here? I don’t have much time to think about it—brrring brrrring—because two new messages arrive in the chat window. “Whaat are you up to?” and “hey there.” Ignore; ignore. I’m seeing so many men with questionable facial hair that I double-check my profile to make sure that I haven’t accidentally indicated a preference for goatees. Brrring brrrring brrrrrring. I scream and toss the phone to the other end of the couch, as if this action will repel the men within it. Even though I know these men can’t see my exact location, I feel cornered, overwhelmed…
But it gets better. The writer goes on to remark how most dating sites are made by men. I never thought about that before. No wonder most of the people on dating sites are men – they’re made for us.
And then she goes on to explain what exactly women would be looking for in a dating site:
So what do women want? If you look at the precious few dating sites and apps with female founders, a pattern emerges: women want authenticity, privacy, a more controlled environment, and a quick path to a safe, easy offline meeting. Coffee Meets Bagel, which is both an app and a Web site founded by three sisters, sends you a match and then sets a deadline by which you have to either “like” or “pass.” If you get a mutual “like,” you’re instantly connected to your match via text message (without the other person seeing your real phone number). You can choose to be shown only friends-of-friends through Coffee Meets Bagel by connecting the service to your Facebook account, or you can choose to keep it private and anonymous.
“Women are more selective with their own personal agency, with regards to contact,” says Jessica Carbino, a Ph.D. candidate in sociology at U.C.L.A. who studies online dating. “Even women who are looking for something more casual, I don’t think they’re wanting to waste their time.” Carbino works with Talia Goldstein and Valerie Brennan, the co-founders of Three Day Rule, an L.A.-based matchmaking service, dating site, and singles event series. It started as a blog on which they advised women where to grab a drink based on the type of guy they were interested in—the corporateer, weekend warrior, laid-back surfer. And they’ve carried over this philosophy to their dating site, keeping it L.A.-only, and focussed on matching people based on which of nineteen personality categories they fall into. The lessons they’ve learned may not apply to hookup apps, however. Three Day Rule caters to women who are searching for Mr. Right as opposed to Mr. Right Now. Women may be averse to mobile apps because they “might feel that men might only be looking for a hot piece of ass. They’re not going to be looking for women who have a lot to offer in other areas, their intellect or their sense of humor,” Carbino says. But even for women “the visual becomes more important when it’s a Mr. Right Now issue.”
Fascinating. I think I may ditch all the mainstream dating sites (made by men, for men) and head over to where the waters are more, ahem, female populated.
backtothemancave 